http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm The Wolf's Den en-us Thu, 09 Sep 2010 09:45:59-0700 Fri, 07 May 2010 14:00:00-0700 BlogCFC http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss mariebmk@yahoo.com mariebmk@yahoo.com http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/5/7/Time-for-celebratin-and-reflectin 2/3 of the bosses are gone for the day, so it's bloggin' time! I just drank some champagne at work to celebrate co-worker Jenny getting her new job. It's satisfying on many levels, she gets to leave a place she hates and will force the Director of her dept. to actually do her job and not be so lazy. I read Justin's blog just now. I've never really read anything of his like that before. It wasn't depressing to read, but more sobering than most of his posts. I know that he will find his way, his true path, very soon. Today is the final day for me taking my anxiety medication. I have been pretty successful in weening myself down to virtually no pill within the last two weeks, with little side effects. Paxil is a hard drug to come off of, they say, and so naturally I feared what would come of that to my own health and well being. But so far it's been a pretty smooth ride to the terminal, with only a few dizzy spells and shots of adrenaline to speak of. Matthew is in Dubai now. I got about 12 hours to spend with him between when I got back to Indiana and when he took off. I miss him, but I know he's having a good experience and spending time with his family, which I know he likes to do. I can manage without him...I guess, for now! It's going to be harder of course when he's in LA and I'm in Seattle. I've gotten some things worked out with school and am almost to the point of registering. My classes, as boring as they sound, actually make me excited to be back and learning. There will be some math and economics stuff that I will need to re-learn (eek!) but in my state of mind, I'm ready to take on the challenge. Plus I'm probably going to be smarter than 80% of my class anyway. I think most of them were recent undergrads...bad idea! Future burn outs. Coming back to work was a bad idea, but I guess it was kind of necessary. Everyone here is in a heightened state of awareness because of our new CEO. His name is Hanz Birkholz, I want to call him Hanz Gruber (Die Hard). I've already taken steps to become his BFF in the office. I invited him to my monthly Risk Management meeting, of which my other three bosses are unaware. Apparently this guy is sort of a hard ass and calls out the upper management on their lack of basic decision-making skills. HAHA can't wait to see the looks on their faces on Monday morning. For once it's awesome to be the lackey. It's funny when I tell people what I'm going to school for. MPA, Master of Public Administration. It's a business degree with some analytical background. There, that's it. All there is to it. Naw, there's more to it than that. Maybe I should just be going with some obvious degree, like Nursing, or Dentistry. LOL, eww, teeth. Justin, I'm thinking we may need to make a special trip to Corvallis this summer, maybe in June? You dig? Seattle's Best Fri, 07 May 2010 14:00:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/5/7/Time-for-celebratin-and-reflectin http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/4/26/The-upcoming-week Lot's of energy and schedules and hectic whatnot! Justin and I had Alaska tickets "purchased" through my company. Actually, I received an industry travel voucher last Christmas Party, and I decided to use it for my Spring trip home to Indiana. The only problem being, when you are traveling as a "freebie" passenger, you are subject to bumps (and I don't mean turbulence). This happened to our April 30th departure. In a panic, I called Alaska immediately and pretty much demanded the nice lady on the phone reschedule me for a flight sooner than May 1st. I mean, hello??? Does she not realize the importance of High Council??? Luckily there were exactly TWO seats left on the 28th April flight. Of course, Justin can't leave that early because of his court appointments so he now has to take a different one way flight to Chicago. Messy! I am being picked up by my brother in Chicago, he just happens to have a conference there that day and has agreed to wait for precious me to arrive! YAY! I'm glad that almost all of us 12 monkeys are coming together under one room to celebrate May Day. We shall dance, sing, and play croquet in the backyard while Kris plays the banjo, Scott on the kazoo, Justin on the recorder, and Beth on the tamborine. We shall rejoice! I'm finally settled into my new place. It's really convenient to be able to crawl over the back of my futon and land on my bed. I wasn't sure how I would take to my new style of cramped living, but it's quite good! Grad school plans are falling into place more and more as I approach September. I looked at my financial aid page the other day which I had received from UW...a fresh reminder of how debt sucks, and having more debt piled on top of that sucks even more. But really all I can think about is being back in school and learning new stuff! I want more skillz. Girls only like guys who have great skillz. Things I want to do in Indiana: Visit Columbian Park Zoo as it has just been remodeled Go to the driving range with my dad to show him how much I have "improved" my golf swing Make brownies with Kristin and have a sleep over Play Mario Kart upside down with E and B, and perhaps some Mario Party? Drink a shot with Mona...though it better not be Jose, Mona! Make Mona/Lisas with Mona and Lisa. Look for Scary Mary on the streets of campus with Jeebis. Have a dinner/movie night with my parents B-Dubs. Buy Rochelle a shot glass from some random place in WL to replace the one that my clumsy boyfriend broke OH! Speaking of bf, Matt will be in Dubai for the entire month of May. He leaves the day after I get back...wah! It's going to be reallly hard to deal with him gone. But if I can't deal with him gone for one month, I don't know how I'll get through a whole semester, LOL. He's such a part of my daily life now. Sheesh! Luckily, I will have Netflix and my teddy bear to keep me company in his absence. SIFF starts in May, woot! I can't believe it's almost here. Can't wait to start viewing the filmage! Seattle's Best Mon, 26 Apr 2010 10:13:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/4/26/The-upcoming-week http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/4/20/Food-for-Thought Not only do I NEVER want to live in a nursing home (or what I like to call premature death houses), I will kill anyone who tries to force me into one. Have a look at this article I stole from an online LGBTQ blog. It made me cry a little, not because I know these guys, but the fact that this could be me and Matt in the next 50 years if nothing happens to change laws now...though in Washington we have the "everything but marriage" law so maybe we would be okay. Clay and his partner of 20 years, Harold, lived in California. Clay and Harold made diligent efforts to protect their legal rights, and had their legal paperwork in place--wills, powers of attorney, and medical directives, all naming each other. Harold was 88 years old and in frail medical condition, but still living at home with Clay, 77, who was in good health. One evening, Harold fell down the front steps of their home and was taken to the hospital. Based on their medical directives alone, Clay should have been consulted in Harold's care from the first moment. Tragically, county and health care workers instead refused to allow Clay to see Harold in the hospital. The county then ultimately went one step further by isolating the couple from each other, placing the men in separate nursing homes. Ignoring Clay's significant role in Harold's life, the county continued to treat Harold like he had no family and went to court seeking the power to make financial decisions on his behalf. Outrageously, the county represented to the judge that Clay was merely Harold's "roommate." The court denied their efforts, but did grant the county limited access to one of Harold's bank accounts to pay for his care. What happened next is even more chilling. Without authority, without determining the value of Clay and Harold's possessions accumulated over the course of their 20 years together or making any effort to determine which items belonged to whom, the county took everything Harold and Clay owned and auctioned off all of their belongings. Adding further insult to grave injury, the county removed Clay from his home and confined him to a nursing home against his will. The county workers then terminated Clay and Harold's lease and surrendered the home they had shared for many years to the landlord. Three months after he was hospitalized, Harold died in the nursing home. Because of the county's actions, Clay missed the final months he should have had with his partner of 20 years. Compounding this tragedy, Clay has literally nothing left of the home he had shared with Harold or the life he was living up until the day that Harold fell, because he has been unable to recover any of his property. The only memento Clay has is a photo album that Harold painstakingly put together for Clay during the last three months of his life. With the help of a dedicated and persistent court-appointed attorney, Anne Dennis of Santa Rosa, Clay was finally released from the nursing home. Ms. Dennis, along with Stephen O'Neill and Margaret Flynn of Tarkington, O'Neill, Barrack & Chong, now represent Clay in a lawsuit against the county, the auction company, and the nursing home, with technical assistance from NCLR. A trial date has been set for July 16, 2010 in the Superior Court for the County of Sonoma. Seattle's Best Tue, 20 Apr 2010 09:25:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/4/20/Food-for-Thought http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/3/23/threes-a-charm I finally got a call back on my apartment today! I can move in starting April 1st. Of course, I won't move in that first weekend since the Anime convention will be in town! Christy is bringing her company back for the third year in a row, and she's actually co-sponsoring the convention this time. Must be doing well with business. The nice thing about the recent turn of events is that I have a whole MONTH to move stuff from one place to the next. I have a lot of packing to do, but I'll just start doing it next week and have it ready to go for the weekend after next. The MS Walk is on the 10th, but shouldn't take all day, and then I can start moving all the furniture on the 11th. So new career change (grad school), new place to live in the near future...perhaps I'll play the lottery before the month is out? I can live with third time's a charm. It would put a nice ending to the week. I'm really tired today because I drove Matt and Mark to the airport. They are in LA (Dana!) so Matt can interview for his physical therapy program at Western Uni. I hope he gets in, though it might put an interesting spin on our relationship. ;-/ The point of all this is, I'm tired! Seattle's Best Tue, 23 Mar 2010 14:12:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/3/23/threes-a-charm http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/3/22/Shes-from-Canada The big news this week (actually it was last week, I'll pretend it was this week): I have been accepted to the Master's program in Public Administration at University of Washington. What does someone with a Masters in Pub. Admin. do, you ask? errr umm, uhhh, yeah...LOL Basically it comes down to one word: policy. People in this field write and influence policy at all levels of government, or in any private sector industry. The nice thing about this program (besides being highly ranked) is that it provides very specific classes that give really great skills and tools needed to be a policy advisor or manager of some organization. I'll be doing a lot of writing and non-socializing, but that's okay! Two years and then I can actually get a job doing what I want. Some have asked if a PhD is in my future. That area is still cloudy, as I have thought about teaching, but would also enjoy working in research/tech somewhere I think, before committing to the classroom. In the meantime, I had also applied to a new position that opened up in my company, for a sales specialist in the Charter and Incentive group sales dept. It would be a pretty koosh job with a yearly incentive bonus (now there's a concept!) and I would get to sell large group cruises, instead of apologizing for them. Now that UW has taken me under its wing, I figure it's not worth the trouble of taking on a new job, with new responsibilities, new desk, new boss...sounds like a lot to handle. I don't think I want to go through the burden of moving all my shit either, so I'm going to stick it out through the summer with my suck job. Besides, the new position would not afford me all the glamorous benefits of this current one, such as ample Facebook time, multi-tasking while listening to complaints, and writing blogs (like this one!). I looked at a new apartment on Friday. It's small, a little larger than my Japanese apato, and cheap! Actually, the location makes it about a 1/2 hour walk to work if I choose, and with the summer coming up soonish, I can't think of a better motivation to move closer to the downtown area. The leasing lady hasn't called me back yet about my application, but I hope to hear from her either today or tomorrow. I was impatient and called today, only to get her voicemail. She's a bit slow when she walks, so I just assume she couldn't get to the phone in time. I got a call this morning about doing a focus group session at the Gilmore Research center. The discussion was to be on mobile phones (of which I and about 95% of the population are experts). So naturally I got screened and everything seemed good to go. $175 for two hours of my time! Then the stupid girl called back and said that my income did not fall into their required bracket for the study ($65,000 +) to which I replied, good thing I'm going to Grad School then! *click* I thought about making an iPhone app, for my iPhone. Then I looked up how to do it and it's a bunch of shit code that I don't understand. The app was going to count the number of items in your household simply by taking a picture of a room, and then adding up all those items in each room of the house. With this device, one could create an inventory of all the shit one has and then there would be a "how-to" in the app on the method of disposing said crap. I called a guest today about an injury they had onboard. They fell off a ledge-step in our lounge, 15 minutes after boarding. She seemed really nice for a person who hobbled for pretty much all of her cruise. Luckily, she lives in Canada and all her medical treatment, including her wheelchair and small puppy to cheer her up, are covered. Un-luckily, she lives in Canada and pays a 40% income tax. A lot of people are upset/excited about the Health Care bill. I guess I was happy for the people who were excited, and sad for the people who were upset. My friend Baja tried to ask Jesus to save our country. It made me think "hmmm, what would Jesus do?" Probably move to Canada. I think for the people who get upset, they just need to remember that laws can be repealed, like "don't ask, don't tell." So, it would be really easy to kill health care by repealing the bill. Another way to fix health care, would be to kill all old and sick people in the country. I don't think that would be too popular. We COULD just send them all to Canada too. It's almost 4 pm here, so I better get back to pretending to work. Have a great sunny day, all! Seattle's Best Mon, 22 Mar 2010 15:03:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/3/22/Shes-from-Canada http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/3/15/Let-me-be-clear WE do not still have the bloody Mississippi boats!!! Confused? Well, I will 'splain. You see, the parent company of Windstar Cruises (my employer) used to own a line of steamboats which cruise the Miss. River and also Columbia River in the Northwest. We no longer operate these ships because they were either not performing well or they were just shitty cruies and our clientele (aged 67+) were dying too fast (mostly the latter). As of end 2008, the operations of these boats ended and some have even been sold to other companies or the govt. So you can imagine my frustration when people (mostly old people) call to ask if the riverboats are still "goin' up and down the Mississippi" to which I reply, "no, unfortunately we no longer operate the boats and are in the process of being sold," which they then retort "well when will you be operating them again?" .... The good news from all of this is that I have a parking pass for the week and will not have to ride the bus. Yes, folks, that is the limit to my excitement in this current life of mine. Some other observations of my work environment: I work in a coffice. It's a combination of an office and a cubicle. Try to imagine an office with no ceiling. They give these to people like me to make me feel slightly more important. It doesn't work. I can still hear people talking or phone conversations even with my fully functioning latching door "closed." In fact, because of the recent org chart changes, they said I will one day have to move out of my coffice, and downgrade to a cubicle, where anyone in ear shot can hear my confidential phone calls to people who are injured on our ships. People come into my office too often and it bugs me. I'm as social as the next person, but it always seems that when I am busiest (unlike most days) someone will come in just to tell me that they are bored or that they want me to come with them to the downstairs Starbucks. The really annoying people (mostly upper management) tend to come in and start talking even when I'm on the phone and clearly trying to be seious with a client. It's as if the phone piece being held up to my ear is an indication that I'm talking to no one, and I'm completely available, in their eyes. I'm sure they would be none too thrilled if I opened the door to their office and declared "I am soooo ready for some 'bux! How 'bout you, boss?!" I've noticed that I like about 4.5 people in my office well enough to actually go out of my way to talk to them. I use ".5" because one of these individuals I just hate being around about 50% of the time. They are either useful, or annoying. I still haven't gone on a Windstar cruise yet. It's been...3.5 years now? I mean, going to Portugal for a weekend and standing on the boat for 2.5 hours while the staff bitches at you to tell the head office this and that is NOT a cruise. I find my paycheck annoying, since it has not changed in two years. I take that back, it has since I stopped paying for insurance out of my wages. Don't worry though, I still have insurance through an outside provider...much shittier insurance, of course, but coverage nonetheless. I will put something positive and happy in the next blog, promise. Seattle's Best Mon, 15 Mar 2010 09:11:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/3/15/Let-me-be-clear http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/3/11/Looks-like-rain the weather in seattle looks very typical, rain. it's the kind of rain i like though, reminds me that change happens and i just have to plow through like i always do and make the best of it i know it's been a year since my last blog (roughly) and last time i don't even know what it is i was talking about. probably the same crap i always bring up. i'm not sure what updates to give you and i'm not in the capacity to explain things greatly to you all. i feel as though i really only need to update you of things that happened since last july, when we had our last big shindig. matt and i are still together after one year, which is tremendous and miles longer than the other relationship timelines i've been on before. he has his moments when i want to knock him over the head with a giant can of sense and rationality, but he's young so i forgive most of his crap. it's jealousy that afflicts him most of the time, from where it derives i could not tell you. though i will say that his imagination takes him into this world of jealousy at times. our good friend sarah eddy will tell you that jealousy is not an actual emotion, but an extention of something more concrete like love, sadness, and hatred. so, i know that matt gets "jealous" as a result of love, and sometimes sadness. he wants to be able to spend more time with me, but driving to and from our places of residence is not an easy task since he lives across the lake. still, we make it happen and usually have a plan each week to see each other. we do envy our friends justin and rochelle, who get to see each other virtually everyday due to the close proximity of each other's apartments. i'm still on my anxiety meds because...well, i haven't seen my doctor in a while. i'm planning to go next month for a physical and talk about weening myself off. with current prospects of leaving my job in august looking promising, the stress is definitely waning. i have to get a new doctor though because the one i had (whom i actually really liked) left for a different clinic far away enough for me not to follow him. i've been buying much better foods for myself, and cleared the shelves of anything containing even the slightest nanogram of sucrose or high fructose!! obviously there is the occassional eat out venture, but even then i try to stick to something light, like a salad. but even restaurant salads can be tainted with evil ingredients. as much as i hate to "watch what i eat," i also hate to watch my waist expand. i think with my medicine it's been more difficult to even move the numbers down on the scale. it is so frustrating to work out, eat well, and still see the same weight everytime. i've decided (right now in fact) that i will only weigh myself once a week on saturdays to make sure i'm not stressing too much about it. i'm also going to get some videos on the internet to show proper form for some of the workouts i'm doing on this workout website. bad form can lead to bad pain, which i've experienced as of late... i got $50 from the government this year, whoo hoo! it's gone now, away to pay a bill most likely. money is where stress attacks me the most. ive been thinking of moving out of my apartment to cut back on that expense in the month, but it's been difficult to find anything that will reduce more than $100 a month, which is what i'm aiming for. some of you already know this, but i've applied to university of washington for the MPA program in public administration. i'm hoping to speciallize in public health and then eventually either get a job back in health research or go for a phd and just teach the rest of my life away. i like teaching and came to realize recently that it makes me a little more complete each day to share knowledge with someone, especially someone is actually intersted in listening. i remember back in college how exciting it would be to tell someone about my labs green tea research, or even talk about my mouse killing days (Endocyte) because i knew that the cancer research it was all about was the imporant aspect of my job. trust me folks, i would go back to being a lab rat in a heart beat if it meant i could leave the cruise industry and never look back!! this job i have right now is one of the worst one could ever wish upon someone and has taken a serious toll on my self-esteem, not to mention my IQ. i actually feel dumber for working here. since matt has an interview with Western U. in LA in a couple weeks, i feel that my prospects to get out of here for a few years are much better. i don't wish to leave seattle with such haste, but a change of scenery for a couple years would do me some good i feel. even if i were taking online courses or just working somewhere down there, it would be a change and something i'm more familiar with. i'm still not in settling mode quite yet. matt and i are trying to make life plans together...even talking marriage (once it's legal of course) and travel. he has told me that once he gets out of PT school, we can go where ever we want. i'm thinking foreign country somewhere, maybe open a health clinic in a third world community? how much more rewarding would life be then? a damn improvement if i do say so... well i guess i should get back to pretending to work and acutally do something. if any of you kids out there have any advice for me on life, please feel free to share. i'm back, and i'm listening! Seattle's Best Thu, 11 Mar 2010 10:29:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2010/3/11/Looks-like-rain http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2009/4/5/everybody-dance I'm currently at Matts Dance Marathon charity event, which raises money for Childrens Hospital. Its a good cause but as a non student (going on 6 years now) I cannot really participate. So after jeebis and rochelle left, I got kind of bored. So as I wait for the event to wrap up in the next 50 min, I thought I would phone blog. Things with Matt are great. We went to Napa and SF a week ago and enjoyed the scenery, wine, and especially each others company very much. People say that its a big test that a couple must take when traveling together for the first time. I'm pretty confident that Matt and I passed. I've been...wow just lost my train of thought. There was a really cute puppy someone had haha! Ooh right! Training. I'm trying to get into a better routine on training. Not only that but also I want to make sure I'm exercising better nutrition. Therefore I stand before all of you as I say no more sweets!! They have added to many pounds and I need to train my mind to start rejecting them. Its going to take a lot of discipline, especially since for some reason I have been incorporating a lot into my fault habits. I don't know why, if im aware of this, I haven't been proactive in changing it. I think part of me is still stick in 2008 and that year sucked. Ever since 09 came about, I have been in positive mode, but I haven't changed my diet like I should. Its a big part of the anxiety thing. Lately ive had a few moments when I feel weird like an attack might happen. This makes me wonder what might be triggering it. Could be diet or sometimes the meds can taper off. If I notice significant changes, I will likely see the doctor soon. Fear not kids! I will keep it together long enough for the big visit in July. Ooooo Matt just have me a glowing heart to wear. I can't stop looking at it, its all bright and flashy!! ADD attack! Seattle's Best Sun, 05 Apr 2009 01:05:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2009/4/5/everybody-dance http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2009/3/16/Spring-Break-whoo-hoo Ah the days of college, boy do I miss those road trips to Florida! Yeah so Spring Break is happening right now for those of you non-working "I wanna stay in grad school forever" types!!!! You know who you are. Since I cannot partake in college activities however, I might as well date a college student and that way I have an excuse to trip! As some of you know, I've been dating a dude named Matt for over 2 months. I broke up with Jeff last November, and then a month later met Matt on OkCupid.com. Now some of you were told by me that I was done dating for a long time, and I was sure that would be the case. Even if I met someone I might go on a few dates but nothing would come of it. Well I'm in love now, so I guess that theory got blown to smithereens!!! Smithereens I tell you! And even Smitherites...whatever those are. Matt and I have found a really seriously and unavoidable deep connection that I have never felt before. He's young, he's a senior in college. But I get over it pretty quickly, after I joke with him that he was a sixth grader when I was a freshman in college. Ewwwww! I'm over it, who cares? He's an amazing person with a big heart who I think I've been looking for, but didn't realize it. He's not immature either, and is looking for someone monogamous, which is hard to find in my world...I'm a testimonial if nothing else to the validity of online dating! Sarah Eddy, you're next to try it out! Ever since I had my little breakdown in January, I've been recovering well and mostly doing everything the doctor prescribed. The therapist has been slightly helpful, but I think I'm going to go to one more session and call it quits. He's given me some advice and that's been about it. I think I need to cut back on drinking more than I have been, because I still find myself not limiting like I should while taking an SSRI. Still the effects are pretty minimal. Exercise has found new light in my life. I have gotten back into running, and I even joined a soccer league called Rain City Soccer. I have no idea how to play, but I realized that's relatively inexpensive to learn and participate. All you need are some good cleats, socks and shin guards...oh and a ball helps too for practice. I've been going up to discover park to practice my foot work. I probably look like a dork by myself but I don't care, it gives my ADD something to look forward to. Work is moving along well. No complaints as of late, and I don't intend to leave anytime soon, with all these layoffs. I have had three friends get laid off here in the last 2 months. It's scary when it hits home. I feel like my job is secure though. But who knows?? As with a naughty recession comes the task of cutting back. I've taken this to a new level in my life. I only buy things at the grocery that I can get on special, or with coupons. I started to do this online Ad thing that gives me money when I click on the ad. The money is deposited into my paypal account. I'm going to let it grow for a while. These medical bills are now starting to surface from January, but I'm using my flex spending account for all of it, so no out of pocket here! I'm keeping netflix because it saves me from going to the theater. I got a service on my credit card now that gives me tons of discounts for everyday purchases like gas, hotels, shopping, etc. Seems pretty legit. Um, so tomorrow is St. Patty's Day, all. Drink up yo! But stay off the Absinthe, it's illegal. I'll be making a brisket for my boy and his twin bro, and Justin. Maybe a Smithwicks to go with it all, just one! Seattle's Best Mon, 16 Mar 2009 17:14:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2009/3/16/Spring-Break-whoo-hoo http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2009/1/5/And-my-thanks-to-the-many There are quite a few individuals out there tonight who get a big hug and a thank you from me for being so supportive over the past four days as I've gotten past this, er, thing that hit me. And scared me, truly scared me. No, it was not a bus. On New Years Eve, I was sitting at home, quietly, when out of nowhere my heart began to beat faster and faster, my breaths shortening, and my body tingling. I knew something was wrong, and had to get up and move around to make it go away...at least that was my thought. Suddenly my body went hot and I thought I was dying. I know this sounds dramatic, but to anyone else who has had a severe anxiety attack, it is a nightmare. Called 911 because I didn't know what my body was doing. Paramedics came and hooked me up to a heart monitor. It was not a heart attack. It turns out that all that stress and anxiety which had been locked away for so many years up in the brain was finally forcing its way out of the closet. Anxiety attack! Sounds like a movie title almost. It is purported to be one of the most terrifying events of a young person's life. I don't even like reliving it in my head. So anyway I went to the doctor after losing a night of sleep and he gave me magical Xanax to conquer the onset of another attack. It works, sort of...it's a temporary relief until I can get my shit together I suppose. Since New Years I did have another, less intense attack, while driving my car. I was safe about it and pulled over as soon as I could and made sure I was able to drive again afterwards. Today I feel much better and I go see the doctor tomorrow to revisit the issue and also see if I should do something about my hacking lungs which have not stopped after seven days of starting (Warning labels on meds tell you to do so). Colds suck. I have to give a big shout out to my bro Justin for checking up on me, being my driver, trying to talk to me about the chemical and physiological effects of the meds I was taking earlier (which might have led to the attack), and for just being there! Kristin has also been a big help by talking to me on the phone, as well as Alton for giving me books on the subject, and Sara and Amanda for letting me watch movies at their house. Bec also helped, though she may not realize it since she was falling asleep on her end of the world. Soon after the first attack, I got nervous about being in my apartment by myself. But I've read up quite a bit on it and can now defend myself against the possible onslaught that could ensue, such as breathing techniques and more exercise!! Oh and I'm down to 143 lbs. due to lack of eating for the last few days. Whoo hoo! The appetite has come back though and that's a good thing I admit. I told my boss at work too about this situation, and he was very supportive and even offered me to call him anytime if I had some issues with the anxiety. It ain't fun folks, and 24/7 anxiety is an icky feeling because all you want to do is relax and you feel like you can't find a way! Anxiety attacks occur mostly between the age of 25 and 30, so take care of yourselves better than I have! If nothing else, this situation illustrates how many people (i.e. friends) who are willing to be there for you at the drop of a hat, to pick you up and put you where you need to be. So to all of those who were there, the favor shall always be returned by me when called upon! I just hope it's not under the same conditions, because no one should have to go through that. On a happier note, went on a date with a guy named Matt Friday. It was awesome! There was a bit of a catch. First of all, he's a Catholic, which I will have to get used to I think, but I don't think he makes it too much a big deal which needs to be talked about. But, he's a spiritual person and I respect that. Secondly, he knows Brian Anderson. This is not really a problem but rather comical though might prove difficult as Brian does not want Matt to see him in a social situation..I can see his point so I guess Brian will just have to pick and choose our outings, hahhahaha!! Well folks, I will keep you updated with any other devious misdeeds I commit in the next week or month. Happy New Year! What a way to start it off, just my style. Seattle's Best Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:49:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2009/1/5/And-my-thanks-to-the-many http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2008/12/25/Christmas-silences It is that silence once again. The kind that only exists between you and your parents. We are in the car heading back to wl and its a peaceful existence that we have with each other. While in the car, being silent, let me being you all up to speed. Arrived Thursday, after dodging a few near hit snow storms in seattle and Indianapolis. No ice hit the area the night I got in, bu Seattle got pummeled from what I heard from a few reliable sources. Stayed at beths and made too many cookies, most of which we and friends did not eat, played Mario kart upside down with Emily, and drank merrily most of the night. Next morning drove a rental Mustang up to west laf with Sarah eddy, which she thought was ridiculous but I thought was awesome. A man doesn't get many opportunities to drive an M unless he owns one. I needed to feel more like a man, contrary to some peoples ignorant views that gays are less manly. I tell you now, I like my car muscle. Spent Saturday with my WHOLE family and played much guitar hero with my nephews and some adults as well. To my surprise, they rather enjoyed it. Met with my professor, well not MY professor, but one whom I hope to call mine perhaps un the near future. He was quickly impressed with my backgroud and tole me I was a strong candidate, despite a wide gap between my undergrad days and the present. He also wants to go more political in his research which I was ecstatic about and happy to hear him say. I evenh told him so. 2he conversation lasted about an hour and then I went my way back home. I also met the grad secretary in the comm dept so she would remember my face. Monday night was spent with Kristin and Monica at Vienna coffee. We had a delicious time with coffe and gossip. Laughed as always. Tuesday it snowed. Sarah Beth and I went to Greyhouse and got some yummy coffee. The barista thought my name was Magic after I told her it was Patrick. This could be a new nickname for me, if some are interested. Went to Kristins later that day and ate some yummy pizza and wtched Muppet Christmas Carol! Sorry Sarah you were not there. The next morning went back home, after going to Walmart to pick up a few gifts for the parents. Also got some wine. My parents and I then drove down to Indy to my sisters house, where I proceeded to drink a bottle pd red wine, one glass to my dad, and then pass out after watching a Christmas Story on my sisters couch. It was cozy, and probably the thing I had been looking forward to all year, quite possibly. Christmas morning was filled with noisy children who were excited that Santa had left them fun stuff under the tree. There was no sleeping in possible. We did the gift thing, I got a nice tie and some shirts, much needed, and other stuff I don't need. The kids got a Wii and Dave got guitar hero! Obviously there was guitar hero playing throughout the day, and most def wine drinking! I think I may have sent a drink text to some, hopefully not the wrong people. We were soon on our way back home this evening. And that's where I am now! I have enjoyed every moment and feel like this has been a very productive trip! Looking forward to going back to the big green in the west, but will be sad once again to leave the fam and friends behind too. Memories Thu, 25 Dec 2008 17:26:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2008/12/25/Christmas-silences http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2008/12/18/tired-and-waiting I'm halfway there to Indiana and totally bored right now. My flight has been delayed and I want a cookie! Half of the a lot machines in this terminal are broken. They keep making these odd clicking noises as if they are trying to come back to life on their own... I was so worried last night at the chance that my flights would be canceled and I would have to cut down my vacation time in indy. But I charged ahead and, with the help of jeebis, was able to drive to the airport. The roads were wet but fine to drive on, just like any other seattle morning. So the funny part about all this is that I thought I had arranged shuttle transfers to the airport. I had not. I did not have this epiphany until last night. So I had to implore jeebis to go with me in the morning. He is a true friend and I have promised to do... That thing he wants me to do way down the road. There is a lack of cute in this airport. Speaking of cute, had the third date with lee. Apparently I didn't blog about this last time and yelled at jeebis because I thought he should know it. We were planning to watch Batman begins because lee had not seen it yet. But jeebis lent his copy to big V and therefore did not have it. But was I worried folks? Of course I was. But I played it cool anyway, and Lee and I watched the next best thing... The Emperors New Groove. A classic. So the lesson here kids, even Disney can save a date. And I've still got an hour left until take off. Seattle's Best Thu, 18 Dec 2008 09:23:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2008/12/18/tired-and-waiting http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2008/12/15/all-types-of-amazing That's the only way to describe the new guy I met, via okcupid (go ahead and laugh). His name is lee, about 6 feet tall and extremely cute. I gotta unload about this guy or I'm going to go nuts! He's just so darn normal and nerdy! Has a lego star destroyer on the bottom shelf of his TV stand, a transformers poster framed on the wall and a blanket on his futon with 1s and 0s. Beth and Scott, I'm pretty sure you have a door may that is similar. Well great. Brett, you all say, what's the problem? Marry this guy already. He's moving. To vancouver. Washington. In fact, he's moving end of next month. Why does life do it to me? Why does this have to happen? Haven't I suffered enoug with guys who turn out to be tools?? I'm not convinced there isn't some higher power trying to make me miserable and sad 24/7. We've had 3 dates so far and the conversation has been fruitful, the laughter plenty, and the connection stronger. I know he's trying to keep his distance now he knows he's moving. But I wish date would just throw me a feeakin bone and let me keep something in my life worth keeping. Maybe it wants me to work for it. Everyone keeps telling me to move to Portland, but I won't do that for a boy I've only just met. That's just foolish. Anyway, he's really great and that's all I have to say about it. I guess when you are someone for the first time and then shortly after you are yourself settling down with them and being happy, its supposed to mean something right? Has anyone ever felt this before? Holla if you feel my pain! Seattle's Best Mon, 15 Dec 2008 22:40:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2008/12/15/all-types-of-amazing http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2008/12/10/that-time-of-year I read monas blog just now and I think we might be in the same boat right now. Our company, which has downsized twice this year, is now in a bind due to, you guessed it, the shit storm called our economy. Is anyone surprised that fewer people ar taking cruiuses right now? So one of my co workers said that her dept head basically told them in a meeting that everyone should look busy in case they have to make more cuts...really ?? I would think doing two jobs was enough. I don't want to have to do one more. I just hate wondering day to day if I will have a job. This definitely a time I wished I worked for the govt. I suppose on a long enough time line though, no industry is safe. So I have been trying to distract myself with the next best thing to reading...boys! I have second date tomorrow with a guy and I am so looking forward to doing something other than moping. Hope I can make it throug without making an ass of myself. I think he digs me though. Donated a ham the other day at safeway. And there's my good deed for the season. Can't afford much more. Not eating is helping me though to. Save money. And I'm slowly learning to say no to my social life and just stay home and play video games or do wii yoga. About to get my hair colored, speaking of things I should not be spending money on... Seattle's Best Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:16:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2008/12/10/that-time-of-year http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2008/12/6/Tales-from-the-laundry-room So as I sit here waiting for someone to remember they have laundry waiting for them in the dryer, I can reflect back on the last few days of December. We had a meeting at work the other day about the holiday party. I don't go to any serious meetings at work. We were told about some of the door prizes. One is a free trip for two to Maui, a trip to Mexico, and a free cruise. That last one was kind of given. I am really counting on winning one. I would love a vacation and I se this as the only true way that's going to happen in the near future. They started asking about our holiday schedules at work. I think they are planning to shut the office down for about two weeks to cut costs. Yikes! It certainly is a different time than last year in terms of economic stability. One of my co workers and I had a long heart to heart at work yesterday because she felt like eveyone is giving her a hard time. I already knew who it was but I couldn't tell her what I knew because it would hurt her a lot. I hate having office politics like this. I know every office has its drama, but ours is over the top. Maybe we will be sold to the Germans and they will whip us into shape. Went to see Milk with Kayla and her boo. Really good movie and had a lot of vintage footage from that time in SF. I'm meeting someone today for a beer. I ate some magic brownies last night and laughed a lot at Brian Andersons improv show. He was good. So was the tall guy that looked Quentin Tarantino. This bitch has still not come to get her ducking laundry. Do you like that I assumed it was a girl? Word. Seattle's Best Sat, 06 Dec 2008 12:31:00-0700 http://www.oldgraycat.com/brett/client/index.cfm/2008/12/6/Tales-from-the-laundry-room