Along the Western Edge

End of the paved road...

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 10:23:00-0700

First off, if like post apocalypse, and can handle a biblical undertone, you should see Book of Eli. If you just like "atmospheric" music, buy the soundtrack ;-) I'm listening to this track as I write... ... End of the paved road... We measure many things in life by the accomplishments and achievements at the end of a path. Pieces of paper. Badges of status. Tokens of success. By such measures, I could say that I have achieved much. I have a job I've wanted since childhood. I can fly at 10,000 feet over the mountains or 3 feet off a windy coastal road. I can harness the wind to carry me across an ocean. I have health, education, means, and comfort. It's all quite "successful". But if there is one thing I have learned well... as the saying goes, its not the destination but the journey. Each of my "successes" has come at the end of a path, a journey, and experience that, yes, brought fortune or status at it's completion, but also taught skills, opened my eyes, and gave me experiences that I continue to cherish along the way. So, as my hatred of "exams" and "testing" (often the hallmark of completing a journey) will attest too, I value the path, not the accomplishment. Of course, as mentioned in previous posts, not all the paths taken have lead to positive things. In the last year I've experienced failed loves, lost or injured friends, ailing family members. Its an odd combination, really. Like sticking your head out the window of a moving car... feeling the breeze and the exhilaration, only to have the door give way and find yourself amongst the ruble on the side of the road. You're shaken and dazed, but pretty sure you'd do it again. This time, in the process of standing up, checking the damage, and brushing off the dust, I realize something. While all the paths taken before were of my choosing, and indeed, I wanted to travel them... they were all paved. School was a path everyone had to take. Even college was planned, prepared for, and numerically calculated to get the end result. Karate has belts of succession. Flying and motorcycle riding have licenses and tests. Sailing lead to a race. Work has lead to a position and accomplishment of programs and tasks. Even in my approach to recent loves, I realize now, I had goals and planning. The paths taken were all paved. But suddenly, I find myself on untrod ground. I don't have any new goals in mind. I don't know what I'm doing next. I suspect this is the point where many people stop and just accept the life they have. But what fun is that? So, what could I do? I could explore the depths of any of my many hobbies, well beyond their initial "accomplishments". My company's future is unwritten. I could write it. Love is no longer something I want to accomplish, but a journey I want to make with someone. I could start something new. A whole new life is possible, personal, professional, or spiritual. I've fallen and landed off the pavement. Doesn't mean I have to get back on the road from which I was tossed. Sure, there are other things to learn and try that will be planned and require tests and licenses and little pieces of paper. But for the first time, I really feel like the future may be less about learning new skills or following the paths available, and more about applying a way of life I've created to bivouacking in a world of experiences, opportunities, and yes, untold risks and dangers. I'm on the gravel shoulder of this road I've been traveling... dusty and a little bruised... but contemplating stepping off into the desserts, woods, mountains, and plains of the world where the path is unknown, and the journey doesn't have checkpoints or a known destination. Anyone have a good backpack I can borrow? ;-) Howard - Out

2010...

Fri, 08 Jan 2010 22:49:00-0700

This isn't how I hoped to start the new year... one friend is cripled, and another is deceased. (if you want to avoid depressing thoughts, stop now) If you followed my holiday facebook posts, you may know that my college friend Jon Tejan is in a hospital in Chicago, following a stroke that was a complication from the H1N1 virus and pneumonia. He is regaining his mobility, but his capacity for speach and memory is still greatly hindered. He's expected to recover significantly, but time and quality are unknown. I was able to visit him between the holidays. It was hard, but also good to see him. He knew me, and in broken strings of words could remember things we had done. Dispite frustrations finding words and building sentences, his dry humor was intact, as he wryly pointed out that he once thought his motorcycle would get him before a flu would. Irony. I only hope my visit gave him some comfort and maybe some hope. Last Wed night, my friend and coworker Matt Smith was killed riding his motorcycle home from work. He was traveling country roads north of his home in Greensboro when a truck with a trailer pulled in front of him. He swerved to miss the truck and hit the trailer. He was believed dead at the scene but they brought his heart and lungs back enroute to the hospital. A scan later revealed his brain was gone. His wife Trish, son Adam (5), and daughters Ashley (3), and Alexi (3 months) made it to the hospital in time to see him pass around 8pm. Trish called me around 11, wanting to let someone from his work know. She was shocked and crying. Soon, I was crying and my hands were shaking enough it was difficult getting the numbers she needed from my phone. Yet, even in that moment, she chose to tell me he had looked peacful when he went. She told me how much he had enjoyed and spoke of his visit with me not a month before, where we had discussed life and religion into the dark hours of morning. He had apparently found great amusement in my intoxicated MC of the christmas party that night.. Something he found facinating since, as a Mormon, he did not drink. A stay at home mom, and now widow with three children was comforting me with happy memories... at the time it pushed me to more tears.. in retrospect, I'm awe struck. I was able to raise other friends and coworkers in the area who have since spent time with Trish and the kids. It's heart wrenching when they've told me of little Ashley asking if they can "buy a new daddy", or that Alexi had just learned to say "dada" that morning.. one of the last things Matt heard over the phone from home that day. Visiting the accident site, Adam collected remaining pieces of his father's motorcycle. He wanted his father's cool helmet, but it was too stained to give him. I have no idea what to say when I see them tomorrow. As I write this, I feel there are times when having an engineering mind, spacial thinking, and a vivid imagination are curses... I can imagine his last moments quite well. I even woke on the plane having dreamed of it. I sit in this hotel room thinking about the pictures of his salt covered motorcycle he posted that very morning. Or his "amen" in response to my suggestion that a cool morning ride was the right way to start ones day (I had ridden to work as well). Then I remember that we took the classes together to get our licenses, I helped him find his bike and took him to get his first riding gear. It was all very exciting at the time... now I can't help but feel an accomplis to his departure. I had even given him greif for planning to commute on his ninja and the dangers there of. Sickening to have been proven right. I also try to imagine how he may felt riding home that day. He loved to ride. It was his adventure, and a freedom. His youngest had learned his name. He had worked well ( as he always did) and was on his way home in the cold air to a loving and warm home. It could have been bliss. I hope it was. In the end, Im trying to remember who Matt really was and how he lived. He really was inspirational. His devotion to family was unequivical. Unshakable. Natural and without thought. He would drop anything to pick up the phone and hear from Trish or one of the kids, often offering the phone to you to hear his newborn cooing over the line. He provided for them with everything he did. It often meant self sacrifice for him, but he never questioned it, and never complained. It was his own style of Zen, really. He was also a great friend. Always curious. Always funny. Always looking for an excuse to play. He was stead fast, solid, and always on the right side. His door, and even his home were always open. He would work hard beside you one moment, kick your butt in a game of Risk the next, and have you over for home cooked dinner that evening. He was a pillar. He was a father. He was a friend. I will think of him often, and miss him greatly. I will always try to live up to his example. For those of you reading this, I can only appologize for the length and wish that I had happier thoughts to share. If nothing else, I hope you are thinking of a friend or loved one as a result, and that you don't hesitate to be with them however you can. Our time here is too short not too. Love you all. Howard-Out.

FA18 Construction

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 10:46:00-0700

Howard-Out

ROFLMAO

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:01:00-0700

This is hilarious... PC or not :-P Howard - Out

Welcome to the 09...

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 16:34:00-0700

Happy New Year. This is a long one, kids, so grab a sandwich ;-) I read Deep Survival while on vacation. It was another random airport grab at LAX and proved to be a fascinating read. Study of survival, the human mind, and traits that benefit people who survive and succeed. The stories are a bit graphic at times, but ultimately very inspiring and humbling. If your curious about survival or human mental mechanics, I recommend it as a read.

Watched a pilot show called "Trial by Fire", a few weeks ago, about a man (Tim Ferris) who tries new skills in short amounts of time. In the pilot he attempted and succeeded at Japanese horseback archery. The show clued me into Mr. Ferris, his blog, and his book "The Four Hour Work Week". I have not read his book, yet, but intend to. So far, his show and his blog have been very insightful, educational, and entertaining. I highly recommend checking him out.

Sinfest put 2008 into perspective for me ;-). It was a good year over all, but an all together difficult one for all of the obvious reasons (economy, etc) and some of the not so obvious ones (personal relationships and the like). So, good or not, I was ready to see it go. I've been asked multiple times already as to what my New Year's resolutions will be. The short version is, the same as last year's. The long version is a bit more complicated... Two years ago, I stood on Mona's balcony in Philly and watched a medivac helicopter make a most graceful night landing at the hospital across the street. It was beautiful, smooth, and amazing to watch. I decided I wanted to be part of something like that. I wanted my life to be rich, meaningful, and to exhibit what I saw as a graceful balance between control, power, and zen like fluidity. I wanted to do more... I wanted to be more... and I immediately realized it would imply massive changes and actions that could only, truly, come from within myself. Despite some great experiences the first year (flight tests of a plane I helped design, for example), it would be most of two years before I saw the benefits of my efforts. --- I overcame significant personal issues and internal challenges with my company and moved from complaining about problems, to fixing them. I succeeded in some rather adverse conditions on my first program and, last month, I was given responsibility for a, second, much larger development program. With it has come the long term opportunity to build a team and even a business division within my company. I chose to make hapkido a focus, and succeeded, with my first official grading to brown belt. I'm due for a grading to red belt within the next month. I chose to fly, and began serious lessons in February 2008. I should reach my private license within the next two months. I chose to learn to ride motorcycles and now have my M1 endorsement. A motorcycle is pending financially finishing my flight training. I joined EHarmony, started meeting women, and had my first dates in what has seemed like an eternety. I played soccer, and took up swimming, and lost 20 lbs, dropping >3 inches around my waist. --- These achievements, of course, had their adversities... torn ligaments in my knee from soccer, complaining wrist joints from hapkido, long term stress and frustration at the office, a bank account eternally in the red, disappointment and sorrow at failures in love, loss of coworkers who were friends and mentors, and a lot of time alone contemplating what to do next. --- So, what did I learn? I CAN grow
I CAN change
I CAN make differences in my environment, my workplace, and the quality of my life. Health is happiness. Sleep as much as your body tells you, not your lifestyle. Have the discipline to sleep at regular times and wake up without an alarm. Eating less than you need so you can occasionally eat what you want means feeding the soul without feeding the waistline. Water is a stuff of life... literally... drink it. Make friends with / bring friends to your activities. In the long run, they will be your motivation for continuing when you don't feel you can alone. (To quote Tim Ferris)"Income is renewable, but some other resources--like attention (or time)--are not." (Also Tim Ferris) "Don't confuse what should be results-driven with routine (e.g. exercise) with something enjoyment-driven that benefits from variation (e.g. recreation)." Work early in a process rather than later, it makes the job easier and makes you a leader to others. Work / play / create when its efficient and effective (whenever you are inspired), not when you are scheduled to. There is no such thing as "I can't"... only "I'm not willing to". See with your eyes, not your mind. See things as they really are. Adapt to the world, because it's not going to adapt to you. --- The resolutions (improve self / life / world) are eternal. Only the actions (or lack of) are variable. I still have work to do on the ones I have... new resolutions not required :-) Welcome to the 09. Howard - Out

I love Xmas...

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 19:24:00-0700

Snow at my Dad's in Louisiana...

... and a tree at the lake.

(click pictures for larger views)

Hope everyone's Christmas is off to a warm and happy start :-) Howard - "The fire place rug and the pumpkin pie are mine" - Out

So True...

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 10:41:00-0700

http://xkcd.com/513/

The Beginning is the End is the Beginning...

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 15:13:00-0700

(a Smashing Pumpkins song) Today's weather will include orange skies, dull sun, and the occasional falling ash.. yup, fires. Been a while... not sure where to start. Seems like 4 months is the new rate of posts. Lets start with work. My last post (July) was from a business meeting in Dayton, OH wrapping up a 2 year program I had been working on. After it ended, I floated a little bit, doing other smaller works for other projects. Robots, wind tunnel models, new project proposals and the like. We have, since, brought in a lot of new business including a ("new and improved!" :-P) UAV development program. Regrettably, our growth has not come with an equal increase in warm bodies(there was, and still is, apprehension over the effect the election results will have on the defense industry). As such, said project stalled for the greater part of 4 months while myself and several others scrambled to clear our work loads and ramp up onto the new program. As the first to accomplish this, I found myself the lone navigator in a very open ended project. I took the opportunity and began researching the market for our system and the (military) operational life it will inhabit. Long story short, as of last week I am the new program manager. Lots of responsibility... but also lots of opportunity. Others are rallying to the project, and things look to be rolling well. Will keep you posted ;-) Flight training continues. I've cross country soloed, passed my written exams, and am now preparing for the final practical exam with an FAA examiner. Mostly this is consisting of sharpening my flight skills (short field landings, stalls... precision) and a continued review of rules, regs, and the like for regurgitation to the appropriate testing authority. I had hopes of wrapping up by xmas (along with grading to red belt in Hapkido), but this is less and less likely as things have gotten busy and my funds have continued to dwindle. On the financial note, the Dell Sol has been sold, the Jeep has been upgraded (tires and rims), and the faithful old laptop finally croaked (R.I.P.). It's desk-bound replacement is a screamer though, and Fallout 3 is an artistic dream to behold upon the shiny new wide screen (thanks Scott! Now I'll never get any work done :-P) A smaller more portable netbook (Acer Aspire One - $400 on new egg - current blogging platform a la Starbucks... highly recommend it!) has also been added to the mix. So, I'm broke :-P But extremely well equipped!:-D Oh, and I'm going to learn to ride a motorcycle! (sorry Mom! :-)) Signed up for a beginner's course next weekend with a coworker. Should be a blast! Don't know if it will lead to the purchase of a 2-wheeler and related equipment, but should be fun all the same. Halloween was fun. Was sick as a dog, but managed to dust off the death costume and accompany some friends to a party on the Queen Mary in Long Beach. Something of an adventure hearding my intoxicated friends home along the freeway (there was a sidewalk :-P), but all made it safe with fond new memories in store. It was a trip. Will post pictures if I can :-) Thanksgiving will be with the Dad-man north of Red Stick. Not sure what the plan is, but then holidays don't really need one. Xmas will be in Huntsville with the Mom, Duke, and fam... and since the Indy crew has not made plans, New Year will most likely be in Alabama as well. Other than that, it's full steam ahead on work, flying, swimming, motorcycles, and the endless search for a sensible woman with more grey matter in her head than in her... well, you know :-P Hope you all are well. Will try harder not to be such a stranger :-) Howard - Out

Stiky Notes!

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 08:53:00-0700

EepyBird's Sticky Note experiment from Eepybird on Vimeo. Howard - Out

Siggraph 2008

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 16:15:00-0700

Siggraph was cool! :-D
Thanks Kevin!

Howard-Out

Alive and shakin it!

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:48:00-0700

Speculations of my vibratory induced demise have been greatly exaggerated.

For the record, I live and work due east of the Long beach marker close to the shore, and was driving down about the Oceanside marker when it hit. No waving signs, no traffic... didn't even know it hit till people started texting me.

And on that note, thank you all who checked to see if I was still kickin' ;-).

Since the shakin' things have been relatively normal. Work was busy (mainly due to the cause of afore mentioned trip to San Diego :-P), but has since calmed a bit. Spent Saturday in the shop soldering wires for a friends project because Boeing was showing up today to play with the wind tunnel model we are building for them.

Flew my "long" cross country flight Friday evening. Was much fun. For info, a cross country flight is any flight over 50 miles straight line from point of departure to point of arrival. A "Long" cross country is the last solo requirement for flight training, and is 150 miles total distance, stopping at 3 airports (including the one you start at) and having one leg of over 50 miles. I chose Chino and Santa Paula airports, making a triangular circuit of the greater LA area. Other than some haze, it was quite fun and quite beautiful.

The fun of said flight was somewhat offset, however, by the event of one of my instructors other students running a plane off the runway at Torrance. Long story short, the young lady had been checked off by two instructors and was up for her first solo flight. She took off, went around the pattern, and had what appeared to be a normal landing. Apparently a gust of wind hit she veered into the strawberry patch north of the runway. By all accounts she was only a bit shaken and the plane cracked a wheel covering. Nothing serious. Regardless, the NTSB showed up and questioned all involved and now my instructor's job might be in question (for insurance legality reasons as opposed to any real fault of his own). So, long short story, I might be in need of a new instructor soon :-(.

Let's see, other than that, been doing Hapkido regularly and planning travels to Indy and parental visits to LA (Possibly interrupted by jury duty :-P). Uncle Sam, it seems, is an equal opportunity screwer upper of people's vacation plans :-P.

Looking forward to seeing a bunch of you at Labor day, my vote is for laser tag and / or go karting.... oh and the obligatory mass consumption of... everything :-P

Swing 'em if you got 'em!

Howard - Out

Texting your way to love...

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 09:33:00-0700

http://current.com/items/88906818_texting_your_way_to_love

Howard - Out

Richardson in 08'!

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:39:00-0700

Food for thought...

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:06:00-0700

Recently stumbled upon and have hence been exploring the TED video database. Lots of neat thoughts from a wide variety of people. This one struck a chord with me. Tell me what you think.

Howard - Out

Wii cool...

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:33:00-0700

Just in case you hadn't seen one of these, or their derivatives...

Very cool stuff.

Howard - Out