So I didn't go to Aikido on monday night, primarily due to having to do other things, but also to recover from what happened in class saturday morning. We did a technique called yon kuyo (I have no idea if that's how you spell it :-p) that really puts pressure on your forearm (see here at about the 44 second mark is a good example). As such, my wrist and elbow on my right hand is not in the best of shape.

However it has given me the impetus to think about other things I do, or want to do, or how to spend one's free time. With the lack of high video game interest, I've been having some difficulty keeping my mind occupied. I started to learn how to juggle last night. Used a bounce and flick type of methodology to get started. Had a few four in a rows, not too bad for not really having tired.

However I always have concern about learning something like this that I don't think I will be able to do for all that long. Essentially I would probably no longer be able to play when I'm 50 or so, so why devote so much time to it? Or maybe that's just my current mentality. That would still be about 15-20 years of enjoyment available, but for some reason that just makes it seem only barely worth the time. Perhaps I'm just really bored :-p

Does anyone else have this issue? What to do with any and all spare time? Especially if it's broken up or limited. I often find myself with like 1/2 hour increments of time to do something with before I have to go do some scheduled activity. Too short to really get into a game or something that takes awhile to get setup and started. Too long to just play solitaire or fritter away without getting that useless feeling, but I just don't seem to get all that much time in larger chunks.

So far what I have is to play guitar, learn soccer, and try to find short good games (which is incredibly harder than it sounds). I'd like to add messing with the martial arts weapons (sword, stick, and short staff) but it's kind of hard to do without a partner :-p

So I search :-)

Are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky? I think so Brain, but I think artillery shells filled with rose petals would send a mixed message.

I'm blogging again! Twice in one month, I'm on a roll :-p

We got guitar hero 3 for the Wii, and have been enjoying it's rock goodness. We played a bit with Bretto last night, and my skills were demonstrated... mostly that I can only get through about 1/2 the setlist on hard :-p But I'm working on it.

It's actually kind of interesting how it helps with playing the real guitar. It doesn't improve your skills mind you (the differences are just too great), but it does provide a good mechanism for keeping up your chops. Your ability has a tendency to fade over time, and this can keep you up. You won't get better, but it keeps you from getting worse, and you can play it without tuning, waking the neighbors, and with a friend, which makes it a great alternative.

I also saw a gameplay video for Pro Evolution Soccer 8 on the Wii today, and it looks pretty dang cool. They are doing lots with the controller to help with off the ball movement, which is about the only thing that game lacks (save for a release on the friggin PC here in the US).

The house stuff is coming along, but I'd really just like it all to be done, and to get on with making the adjustments/improvements that I want to mess with. It feels kind of weird thinking of having a house, but there you go.

I'm still having the constant battle with myself over time. I have a tendency to overestimate how long it takes to do things, whether for pleasure or work, and so have a hard time settling down. For instance, unless it's something fairly rigidly defined (like a 25 minute game of PES 7, wonder why I play that so much hmmm?) I tend to think that if I don't have 2 hours to do it, it's not worth getting started. Problem being that I don't have 2 solid hours to do something but once or twice a week, and playing is not the only thing I want to do.

I also know that this is silly, and it would probably be better do to 1/2 of something even if I do run out of time than to not do it at all, but every ounce of my mind tells me that leaving stuff undone is bad, but leaving stuff half-assed is far far worse. I would like to work on my weapons in Aikido and Escrima, to work out a bit more (simple isometric stuff), review and integrate smaller movements into my Tai Chi, play soccer and the other games I have yet to beat on my list, read the book for the second half of my CCNA test (of which I passed the first... while sick even... suck it routers! :-p), do some light carpentry work (especially with the new house), spend quality time with friends, my wife and others, learn a song to play and sing on my guitar, learn more songs/skills on the guitar, among other things!

It all seems so overwhelming sometimes that you just don't end up doing any of it, and feel bad. Or you do it and it feels like work, so you don't get what you want out of it. Yay for Catch 22 situations. Joy joy joy. I guess there are worse things that could be going on in life, but my schizophrenic nature of interest is really screwing with my mojo :-p

I guess the hardest part of all of this is soo much of it is down to when inspiration strikes, and it rarely strikes at a time when you can take advantage of it. Without the inspiration, I tend to feel like messing with it is a waste of time, as doing anything is soo much more productive when you want it.

So does anyone know of any good ways to strike inspiration at will? It would be a nice trick...

Are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky? I think so Brain, but I don't think that a tree AND a hippo will make good superheros.

All this talk of writing makes me consider something I haven't tried in quite a while. Has anyone ever come up with a good way to write songs? I can take care of the music fine, picking out a melody tends to come pretty easy to me. However up to this point I haven't been able to write lyrics for anything.

I was sitting in the shower a few days ago, and came up with a method that has potential (although I haven't really tried it yet). What if we took it like one would write a book?

Grab a topic phrase or word.

Then write 2-7 sentences about that word/phrase, either describing it or attributing it to something, or going through a who what when where how type of methodology.

Then take each of those and expand it into a far more descriptive 2-6 sentences in a more paragraph form. So something with a definite beginning, middle, and end from each description sentence.

From there change the sub sentences to more typical lyrics. Make it rhyme if you like, put in more adjectives, simile, metaphor and what not. Also adjust the cadence to fit each other (as music hasn't been written yet).

Finally set it to music.

I know a lot of musicians tend to do the music part first, then find the words that fit, but I've never been able to get that to work, and theoretically this way, you could talor any set of words to fit most any set of music. Is just my idea, questions, concerns, comments, experiences?

Of course... It would probably help if I could sing with any range at all...

Are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky? I think so Brain, but where are you going to find a pot big enough to boil that much vasoline?

In a time of uncertainty, and fear, people will resort back to what they know... or think they know. If they cannot resort back to what they know, they will attempt to get the entire world around them to resort back to a time they perceive as understood. Trouble being that, as with most things, no one can ever agree on what was better, what was worse, and when they understood the world.

Ironically, I believe if you ever understood the world at any time... you wouldn't need (or want) for it to stay the same ;-)

Article here... http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/06/01/news/profile.php

Are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky? I think so Brain, but if you had that much butter, the giraffe would never make it off the ground!

So I'm apparently really bad at this keeping up with everyone... I tend to like to say more about things and go through them with people, rather than talk about myself. However, recently I been doing some thinking about various aspects of life, and have something that may get some interesting feedback (or at least fulfills the blog quota :-)

I was thinking about (and Dana and Beth have heard this, but I'm going to write it anyway) people view themselves. How do you define you? I came to the realization that a vast majority of people in the world define themselves by what they do. Not a bad thing overall, except for one thing. People tend to define what they do as their job.

There are some people that are very lucky in this life to find a job they love, or to have a great interest that translates into a meaningful and productive means of gainful employment. For the rest of us (and unfortunately for some of those mentioned above) we are stuck in jobs we don't necessarily hate, but are mired in silly red tape, power struggles, lazy bastards (and bastardettes, can't be sexist :-p), and a general large group of people that conspire to make each and every day they can way more painful than it needs to be.

There is no way in hell I want to define myself by that. I don't want to sit down and say that's who I am. I'm not Scott, Network Engineer. Ick. So I started thinking about it, I do take pride in my work (a whole lot actually, which is what makes people shitting on it so much fun some days), as I take pride in everything I do, but given the environment and mitigating circumstances, I thought I'd best have a go at being something else.

So I started looking at what I do with me when not at work. I determined that (at least according to me, your mileage may vary) a person is capable of doing about 3 and 1/2 things per day. 3 major things that they can be learning or advancing, and one thing that they can maintain, or learn slowly/half-assed (which isn't as bad as it sounds, as some things don't need great insight or time).

The 1/2 thing was easy. Generally it falls into cooking or general place maintenance. Fixing things, or cooking something, not something that needs to progress all that fast, but is pretty required for basic living. Perfectly fine with that.

One of the major things I believe is an interpersonal relationship. One of my friends in college used to joke that his girlfriend was a 3 credit course (with a lab if he was lucky :-p). That's pretty accurate. A close interpersonal relationship takes time and effort most every day. So any parent/child, person/significant other, similar type relationship is one of those blocks. I've got one of those! :-) It's certainly not work, can have it's ups and downs, but it's something I do. I imagine that another one of these blocks will be filled with children once they enter the picture, but for now, just one.

Another of the major things I do is generally video games. I enjoy them, they are fun. I like trying to figure out how stuff works (programatically speaking) and try and beat the product of the coder, or appreciate what they were thinking. May not be all that productive in the grand scheme of things, however it is something I do that takes up another block, but not something that I will do to the exclusivity of something more useful (unless I really need a break).

Which brings us to the third. I realized at this point that I don't have a third any more. And this was the one that really needs to be had. This is the opportunity to improve yourself, to make yourself better. This is the opportunity to learn a new skill or trade. In the past I had done this, I learned to play the guitar, I learned a martial art. Since graduation, this has been filled with more video games, or something equally useless to fill the time until bed.

This must change! But how? That is the question. My current thought is carpentry, I would like to learn how to mold and shape wood. Maybe make a statue or piece of furniture. I forsee making cabinets once we get a house. However this is not the easiest thing to learn, especially in an apartment environment. I also considered learning classical guitar (the picking, reading music kind) and picking back up with the martial arts.

All of which I find as good and useful things to know. More importantly they would allow me to say: "My name is Scott, and I can build you a chair, am a musician, and a martial artist/teacher. What do I do for a living? Does it really matter?" Which gives me power, or at least contentment at my current situation.

So what do you all think? Does this seem like a fairly accurate assessment? Do you have any suggestions? Does your chewing gum loose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?

Are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky? I think so Brain, but what exactly would you do with 800 yards of silly string and 3 elephants?

Reactions to my last post were interesting. There were comments more on the contemplation (e.g. prayer, meditation, etc...) portion than the rest, which I find interesting. There are questions of whether or not it is nessasary, and I would say that I believe so. Defiantely in your own manner though. To speak Sanskrit has very little meaning if it means little to you. In the same vein, to use some "established" method, if it means little to you, is of little if any use.

However I think that assuming that its just always back there or present in your mind is a little short sighted, unless you have already established whatever relationship you want to the fullest of levels. An analogy would be that a sports star doesn't stop training and expect to be able to perform at the same level. They can generally recover more quickly, as they were further along to begin with, but don't stop once they reach the top... at least not if they want to stay there.

Regarding those that don't think or can't, is it unacceptable to ask someone you regard as your better to make your decisions for you... no, but it is somewhat irresponsible. More because people in those positions of power inevitibly (mabye over the course of several generations as in the case of kingdoms and empires) take advantage of those they are leading.

There are definately sheep in this world that need to be herded, there are defainately shepards that like/need/want to do the herding. What I find quite often is that there are some people that think, and find themselves more in the role of the sheep dog. They'll try and be helpful and obey what sounds right, but they won't disregard their own instincts.

It's these people (of which I count myself as one) that are the least understood by both sides, and therefore the most dangerous to both situations. They don't want to lead the sheep, but they might want to make them think, and if they think any different from the shepard there will be problems (mabye not violent, but in some way shape or form). However I believe they are absloutely nessasary for any kind of reform and to keep the shepards in line from time to time. A difficult but seemingly naturally occuring balancing act.

Regarding other religions being valid, I would go back to saying that it probably doesn't matter. What they do matters, how they go about doing it matters, whether or not a human avatar of God or some alien told them to do it is kind of a moot point in the end.

I do hold a strong feeling however that any belief system that requires enforcement or excessive persuasion is not valid. I think no religion is "true" or even has the right to exist (change that, has the right to be called a religion or have anything to do with "faith") that can not be freely chosen, and more importantly, unchosen, without any major side effects.

By side effects I mean punishment in a physical, mental, or monetary way to you or those arround you in an effort to have you come back. It should stand on its own merits without human intervetion (and no this isn't an attack on any given religion, they have all done it, and I don't think it was part of the dogma that did it, it was more evidence of strayed shepards...).

And that I believe covers that part. If there is more, please comment again (or in regards to the new portion) and I will attempt to address them.

Second to address the topic of fall... my feelings on it are that it is an entirely evil thing to people like me. I have had a sore throat for about 3 weeks now. The constant rain with continual front changes aggervates the hell out of my arthritis and sinuses.

Yes the leaves may be nice, but the nice wet piles of them create molds that attack my respatory system for weeks on end and I would be much happier without it. Aside from the fact that this is when the sky turns grey with fair regularity, but doesn't have the stark contrast and feeling that it's supposed to be this way that winter does.

Fall and to a lesser extent spring (when everything blooms, although the mold and dust of fall seem worse... mabye just because it's generally cold as well) are cursed seasons to me :-p

Now then, on the requested topic of relationships.

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Wow, this is an impossible topic... Next!

Ok, ok, I'll make an attempt.

Platonic relationships are complicated enough, nonplatonic relationships involve an entirely different set of viewpoints and problems. There is quite a bit more at stake. Pulling out of a platonic relationship just results in the loss of a person to hang and share with on a given level (depending on the length/depth of the relationship).

Nonplationic relationships bring in other difficult to address items. Physicality is just one of the minor additions. Yes, everyone by human instinct is looking for a potential mate to spread genes and whatnot. However by human standards nowadays, when you begin to engage in a nonplatnoic relationship, the question constantly comes up... is this person a potential LIFE mate. As in for life. Like forever.

This is not nessasiarly a bad way to approach this. There are tendancies in platonic friends that you may not like that you are perfectly willing to overlook given that they are not supposed to be sharing in part of you for the rest of your conciousness. Now they are being analyzed and scrutinized heavily for anything that might possibly be wrong.

This brings up another major issue. Nobody's perfect. We all have flaws. I would think that the perfect people would etiher be abhorrently booring, or would be killed out of envy quite quickly. How can you possibly commit your life to someone that has flaws? Some people say that nice line of "well they're perfect for me". I call bullshit! I think it would behoove people to realize that everyone is going to give you some grief sometime, it's just are you willing to put up with it.

Leading into... do you even want to have some type of life mate? If there is absloutely no one in this world that you are willing to put up with (eventually) 100% of the time, then stop looking for someone to spend your life with and you will probably be happier. I personally don't think there are many people like this out there, given the extremes most people will go through for family members just to show an example.

There are so many points that can be made here, and my hands are starting to get tired, so I will cover a few of the things I found during my relationships, and see if that offers any insight.

One thing I have found is that you have to be your own person. To say that someone completes you means that you have to have them arround to be real. You are dependent, and therefore you are not on a level playing field. If that person is a nice addition to your life, and you help each other to open new doors or new experiences that's fine. But they can't be things that you couldn't have done on your own given the time, and inclination. You can lean on them when you really need to, but don't make it a habit.

Another thing I have found is that most fights are not between you and the other person. They are between you and yourself. It's much easier to attribute your failings or something going wrong in your life to someone/something/anything than to accept it as you and move on about fixing it.

Those times when you are not in a relationship, and you feel down, you will feel those in a relationship as well. It's important to remember that it's probably not the other person's fault. Unless it directly is (which is possible), in which case it needs to be addressed immatedtly, and in no uncertain terms, or the relationship needs to be terminated. When I say things like this it is not a "they leave the toilet seat in " it is a they insult me to feel better, they beat me, they force (whether mentally or physically) to do things I don't want, etc... Something deep and abusive, not cosmetic or trivial.

If it is your own issue, and you realize it as such, that person can be a great help in getting you through it. That's one of the truly neat parts of a relationship. Unconditional love, freely given, with no restraint. It makes you more vunerable than anything in the world ever will ever, period, hands down.

However, when it's right, and you give yourself freely and are received freely, it is the most elating feeling ever. It will make everything better. Not fix everything, but more like being hypersensitive to the good stuff. You've never tasted something so good, even though you could swear you've tasted it a thousand times before. So at least there are some good things :-p

This could be installment one, or it could be all anyone wants to hear, or all that should be discussed in public. Comments are the way to let me know people! They help me keep this thing up. I seem to be more on a twice a month track than a once a week, but it's better than nothing right?

I noticed that I used you alot in this one. That is not representitive of someone specific, but just the generalized you as a reader/entity of coherent thought :-)

Are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky? I think so Brain, but how do you put roller skates on the giraffe?